Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the
last of human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of
circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
-Viktor Frankl
Now that we are a couple of weeks into the “shelter at home”
order, we are all having to adapt to a vastly different world. Our normal routines have been completely
upended. Places we normally frequent,
people we associate with, our livelihoods and things that give us purpose have
been unceremoniously dumped overboard for at least the time being. Worse, the future looks dark and
foreboding. We are not yet at the peak
of this crisis and the death toll is certain to rise significantly. We worry about family, friends, and
ourselves. The stock market has taken a tremendous beating, chopping away at
our retirement plans and most economists are predicting a vicious
recession. Economist Nouriel Roubini
tweeted out this morning, “ Greater Recession is now baked in and a done
deal. The only issue is whether it
becomes a Greater Depression.” Even our
normal avenues of solace are closed off to us.
Houses of worship are off limits.
Therapists can only do teleconferencing.
Even the poor man’s therapist- the local bartender is unavailable. Lots of things have been taken from
us—graduations, kids sports, time with mom and dad and grandpa and
grandpa. The truth is that our world has
likely experienced a permanent change and we do not yet know what it will look
like on the other side.
The purpose of this post is to tell readers of my blog the
strategies I am using to cope with this disruption, fear and anxiety. Perhaps you are already doing some of these
things, and some may not help, but I hope that at least some of these
suggestions will be helpful in getting through this crisis. It is not meant to be a pollyanniash set of
platitudes; this is most serious stuff.
It is meant to help cope and share some of the things I have done so far
to maintain personal stability in a very unstable world.
· Look to the people that lived through hard times. We have not had a disruption that so widely
and profoundly affected us in 75 years.
Sure, we have had wars, recessions and 9/11 but nothing quite like
this. It is helpful to draw on those
that experienced massive catastrophes.
Fortunately, I have read those that experienced the worst: The Holocaust
writers: Viktor Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning), Primo Levi (If This Is A
Man; Survival in Auschwitz), Writers of the Soviet Terrors: Alexander
Solzhenitsyn (The Gulag Archipelago) and novelist Ruta Sepetys (Between Shades
of Gray). Closer to home, reading about
how people got through very difficult circumstances puts a little perspective
on our current crisis. The life of Laura
Ingalls Wilder, Prairie Fires by Caroline Fraser and The Worst Hard Time: The
Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust Bowl tell the
stories of resilience and strength in the face of challenges on the prairie and
during the dust bowl. These writers have a great deal to say about managing the unmanageable, and I suggest reading
some of these writers as a source of strength and perspective. It’s been awhile, but we have been here
before, and endured much, much worse.
Most of us have enough to eat.
There is no Nazi guard poking you with the butt of his gun to get in
line. No one from the Stasi is whacking
you in the back with a truncheon to get information out of you. In comparison, this is doable.
·
Use the quiet time. If you are now working from home, you don’t
have a commute and that is a gift of time.
I have used it to set aside discrete and dedicated time to do very deep
reading and listening to music. Put the
phone and laptop down and let yourself get absorbed. I now dedicate a day to a performer and
listen… really listen to an entire album.
Eric Clapton’s birthday was the other day, so it was Eric Clapton
Day. Yesterday, I did an album of Aaron
Copeland’s work. Finishing Janis
Joplin’s biography a couple of weeks ago, I just sat and listened to her
masterwork Pearl end-to-end. Similarly,
I will block out time to read, really read—deeply, paying attention to word
choice, rhythm, cadence. Focusing on a
writer’s or musician’s work in that fashion is something we rarely get to do
during our normal, rushed, chaotic days.
It allows you to really understand what the person is trying to get
across and you will form a connection with the writer or musician that is more
deep and gratifying than you have experienced before. Put the commute time to good use.
·
No T.V. – I took a vow of T.V. celibacy. Once the shut down occurred, and the market
began to fall apart, I saw no benefit to the blathering talking heads. Yes, I’m ordinarily a news junkie, but I see
no benefit at this time to hearing Tucker Carlson’s latest outrage over AOC,
and the less exposure I have to AOC, the better for my mental health. I haven’t turned the T.V. on at all in 2 ½
weeks and frankly, I don’t miss it at all.
The insane partisanship won’t go away but seems small, petty and mean to
me now. I can at least blot it out and
choose to turn away from it. The next to go may be Twitter (although the dark
humor that pops up is sometimes delicious).
· Rewriting goals and compartmentalizing. I looked at my 2020 goals which I keep on my
computer and shrugged my shoulders. All
gone, almost every one of them (well, maybe I can keep the one about the
stubborn 10 pounds). But most of them
are out of reach now and with the future as cloudy, they don’t even make sense
anymore. What I’ve done instead is just put
a hard hold on them for now. Instead, I’ve shortened them up. Because the future is so cloudy now, it makes
no sense to think about anything six months from now. I’ve gone very short term, writing goals for
the week and a small checklists every morning.
Since the horizon is obscured, I’m simply staying focused on the road
right in front of me. Since I’m working
out of my home, my work space and down time space are mostly the same. So I make a conscious effort to put work
things away at the end of the day—files, papers, laptop, folders all get put
away to turn that space into leisure space.
·
Pacing.
The stress and anxiety of this new environment and the uncertain future
are tiring. Blurring work and personal
space and time is a hard adjustment.
Things take more time and energy.
Social distancing and shelter in place are mentally exhausting. I have made a conscious effort to make sure I
do not overextend. Recently I even
turned down a project that had a ridiculously tight deadline, especially given
the circumstances everyone is working in.
Now is not the time to stretch yourself.
·
Nourish and Develop Relationships. It is supremely ironic that while social
distancing has pushed some of us apart, it has deepened others. The crisis has brought out a sense of
community and cooperation in many places.
I reach out twice a day to old friends and family members either by
phone, text or email. I have reached out
to lawyers I have worked with in Italy and Spain to be supportive. I have probably had more intimate and candid
conversations in the past month than I have in a long time. And technology has provided multiple avenues to connect. Email, texts and zoom are used most often. I have even used zoom a number of times to have an after work virtual drink with people. There is something about a crisis of this
type that allows people to drop pretenses.
· Outdoors.
We are supposed to be in our homes as much as possible. But with gyms closed, the anxiety and nervous
energy has to go somewhere. I either
take a long walk in the evening or do a circuit training routine or sometimes
both, every day. The closing of gyms has
forced me to go outside and it’s actually been a benefit even in iffy weather
to be in the outdoors. I think I decided
that if the requirements tightened and shelter at home was strictly enforced it
would be time for some civil disobedience.
These are the things I’m doing to
cope. I hope at least some of these
coping mechanisms are helpful to people that read my blog. I’m sure some will change as this drags on
but these are getting me through some of the dark nights.
And, of course, I'm drawing up a list of things I want to do once the all clear signal is given. A White Sox game, a trip to the zoo and an architectural boat ride are on the top of the list.
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